Going out to eat isn’t just about the food. It’s a show with a full cast – the host directing who sits where, the server who’s memorized a slate of specials, the cook who’s been on their feet hours before the audience arrives.
You are, realize it or not, part of the performance. The best diners know this. They show up curious, order with intention, and leave having made someone’s night a little easier – or a lot better.
For The Washington Post a few years ago, I gathered tips from D.C. restaurant pros, and more years before that, I published my own advice. Now that I’m making reservations under my own name, I figured I should update the suggestions.
This latest compilation won’t make you a food critic, but it might make you the kind of customer a restaurant looks forward to seeing. In a world where hospitality is both an art and an act of endurance, that’s worth more than you think.
BEFORE YOU GO
Book in advance: Like party hosts, restaurants appreciate a heads-up about the head count. (Babies are diners, too.) Want a favorite table or server? It pays to ask in advance. If a place doesn’t accept reservations, investigate when it’s busiest or how long waits might be. Websites and social media can help.
Find out about corkage fees. And don’t overdo it, like bringing five bottles of wine and expecting stemware for each. Even if you’re bringing your own wine, it’s a common courtesy to order something off the list, too.
Bring cash. Just in case you need to check a coat or bag, reward a live musician, tip a parking attendant, or leave a little extra for a server who’s gone above and beyond.
Dress the part. Wear something clean and neat to more upscale places. Doing so shows respect for the restaurant and for fellow diners who might have paid dearly for the occasion. “If you’re going out in the world to eat, then why not dress well — and appropriately — for dinner?” asks style maven David Coggins in Artful Living magazine. “You can pay homage to the traditions of your cuisine with the nuances of your attire.”
Cancel if you can’t show. Contact a restaurant as soon as you know you can’t make a reservation. There might be someone on a wait list eager and ready to take your spot. Also, blowing off a reservation can cost you the price of a cocktail some places, and an entire meal at others.
Be on time. Unless you travel by helicopter, don’t imagine you can get across town in 15 minutes.
AT THE HOST STAND
Think positive. Enter with a smile rather than a scowl and refrain from using your phone on approach. Look staff in the eye. The good vibes will be appreciated and no doubt reciprocated by someone who might be the least experienced member of the front of the house.
Check in upon arrival. Make sure your party gets there in a timely fashion as well. That initial exchange with the host is also when you should reconfirm any special request, like a preferred table.
AT THE BAR
Don’t breeze past the host stand to claim a seat. Some establishments reserve spots at the bar.
Avoid holding seats, especially in a busy situation. Unless your someone is truly a minute away, consider all the counter seats open to others.
Read the crowd. Not everyone wants to chat. A stranger’s reaction to your quick “good evening” can be a clue as to whether more conversation is desired.
Don’t use an empty glass as a trash can. Guess who has to fish out used tissues and gum, or worse?
AT THE TABLE
Keep your phone off the table. Meals and time with others deserve as much.
Don’t move tables and chairs around. They might be reserved or needed for another party.
Keep tabs on kids. If your infant starts to fuss, take the little one outside for a breather. If young charges at your table have made a mess or require extra attention, clean up as best you can — and tip accordingly.
ON ORDERING
Ask about the price of the specials when they’re not mentioned or listed. They can be double or greater the average cost of a dish. No one likes surprises at bill time.
When you plan to share an entree, be prepared for a possible split charge. Some chefs make larger portions of shared dishes to make them look better, halved, on the plates.
Take charge of the pacing. When you don’t want to be rushed, say so; when you need to leave at a certain time, mention that to your host and/or server. Request the check along with any dessert or coffee, or whatever your last course is.
Review the check before signing it. As a critic, I was frequently surprised by what was on — and off — my bill. (More than a few times, servers would not include bottles of wine on the tab.) Some restaurants also include a gratuity.
ABOUT WINE
Don’t ask to taste everything. Limit sampling to just a few. This isn’t meant to be a professional wine tasting.
Don’t send back a bottle unless it seems off — and not just because you don’t care for it. That said, a thoughtful restaurant doesn’t want you to keep drinking something you don’t like, and might repurpose the wine for staff training.
POST-MEAL
The best time to complain is . . . in the moment. Don’t leave a negative review on social media regarding something you didn’t discuss with the manager while the problem was unfolding.
Take a moment to compliment places that have gone the extra mile. If you can, bring up a good experience with a manager — and, if possible, in the presence of the server or chef.
What would you add to this list — and what would you like to see from restaurants? Let me know in the comments or via email: [email protected]